I Live Inside : Memoirs of a Babe in Toyland

In feminist music circles bands like Bikini Kill get all the attention when it comes to women in music during the '90s. This drives me crazy. There were so many women playing music then who just by existing, putting out records, and touring, were advancing women in music without wrapping themselves into any sort of political agenda. Bands like L7, Velocity Girl, Babes In Toyland, Lunachicks, Superchunk, Hole, Jawbox, Breeders, PJ Harvey, Fire Party, Tsunami, and Babes in Toyland were inspiring to women like me who were not drawn in by the Riot Grrrl movement. I wanted to be like them. I screamed / sang along to their records and I watched them take to the stage with a confidence that at the time, I didn't know was possible. They twisted the idea of what a women could look or sound like. They were not men but they were unlike any women I knew in my life. They played instruments I had never had the opportunity to strum or hit. They were loud, fearless, and this was intoxicating to me coming out of high school. My peers talk about Riot Grrrl bands in the same exact way, but honestly both music scenes helped pave the way and inspire others. I wish the books and film documenting this underground world credited these women in a more balanced way. This is why an entire book written by a musician who didn't have a spotlight on her continuously really intrigued me. I knew very little about Michelle Leon's life up until this point. Babes in Toyland while having a brief rise to popularity never held mainstream interest the way Hole did (thanks Nirvana) and her two bandmates often stole the attention because the focus always falls unfairly on the singer (Kat Bjelland) or the outgoing member (Lori Barbero)

What moves me most Babes In Toyland bass player Michelle Leon's book I Live Inside is how brutally honest it is. As an outsider who looked at their world in awe and wonder, she pulls the curtain back to reveal a very imperfect and emotionally complicated band chemistry. A band projects this illusion of a better, out of this world environment that is easy for fans to want to escape to and get lost in. They are so far removed from the mundane 9 to 5 world of school, desk jobs, and dull responsibilities. From the audience perspective Babes in Toyland was bold, raw, and shared a bond that couldn't possibly be anything less than sacred sisterhood. The truth is that like any family, it was dysfunctional and often chaotic and maddening. It is hard to fathom the real life happening behind the scenes of these songs that are as familiar to me as any photo in my family albums, but the transparency of her words found in this memoir are as as pure as the music she once made. A band's life is a private and I Live Inside reveals many of their secrets.

It was and continues to be a brave thing to join a band and put yourself out into the world for all to hear, see, and judge. You live in three worlds at the same time: the private world that is you outside of the band in the real world, the one that is a member of a band family who spend most of the time off stage in a bubble, and then the band chemistry as musicians who write music and perform it together and this is the facade given to strangers. These world's all affect each other and become a tangled, complicated knot. Michelle Leon moves back and forth between childhood and her time in the band to reveal how these different worlds connect, influence each other, and often clash. Leon moves between the past and present like a masterful storyteller.   

All people carry insecurities yet playing music is one of the few times and places one can feel untethered and free. The weight of the world slips away behind an instrument or microphone. Music offers the unique experience of being able to lose and find yourself all at once. We become the essence of ourselves through music and creating this non tangible version of self becomes addicting. It can feel like a safe place but it is also an easy place to drift off course in. Musicians often end up floating helplessly between between the real world and band world. This is where the story often gets messy. To pin this invisible energy to the page isn't an easy task but I Live Inside rebuilds this journey in a one of a kind way. We travel with Michelle back in forth in time, strapped into the passenger seat unsure of where we might arrive ncxt. Just like music, her book is the safest vehicle to to experience a terrifyingly wild ride without collecting any of the bumps and bruises along the way.

If you are not familiar with the band, here is a top 10 from their catalog to get you started.


<

Feminist Friday : A Weekly Round Up for July 1, 2016

"I've worked in the music industry for 30 years. In that time, my boobs have gotten me into serious trouble. Stacie Huckeba shares her experiences via Huffington Post.

Oklahoma City is getting a music festival this August that is a celebration of women artists and musicians called AMP.

Francesca Allen photographed a few up and coming ladies in music for Noisy.

The Le Sigh site is my kindred spirit.

Loving this episode on The Future of What about the daunting world of trying to book shows - including the difference between booking agents and talent buyers. Interviews include Josh Brinkman (booking agent), Velena Vego (talent booker at Athen's, GA 40 Watt venue and hopefully we will have our own interview with her here soon), and Eric Gerber (Doug Fir Lounge portland venue). Booking shows is maybe my least favorite aspect of being a musician so I truly appreciate this 101 on booking.

Dozens of sexual assaults were reported at Swedish music festivals.

Music is bringing new life to female prisoners.

Vancouver has a new all-female chamber orchestra because Canada is the coolest.

Global Goals are making people rethink the Spice Girls' message and what we really, really want. Equality, safe spaces. an end to violence, equal pay, and you know, that sort of thing.

There are two documentaries highlighting the musical genius of Delia Derbyshire, pioneer of electronic music.

The Blake Babies' music has been a huge inspiration to me over the year. I am super excited to own this new Earwig demo collection (out today!) and wish I lived closer to Boston or Chicago to catch one of their reunion shows. Member John Strohm has also written a smart piece about making peace with moving making music from a career to a pleasurable hobby.

I can't even handle it. We lost another historical landmark in the world of American records stores. Good-bye Aquarius.

Cult legend Laura Nyro deserves your attention and you probably don't even realize all of the reasons why.

Singer Kelis has turned up in a London kitchen.

On a personal note, I am placing my record label on hold for now. My full explanation can be found here.

The highlight of the week goes to Neil Becton, owner of Som Records in DC bought some photos of Betty Davis live performing back in the day at a flea market of all places. Stunning stuff! Plus Light in the Attic also happened to have recently released The Columbia Years collection (produced by then husband Miles Davis) so thanks Neil for celebrating this awesome score with friends.

On the Stereo: Guerilla Toss, Beverly, Mirror Travel, Clair Morgan

In heavy rotation this week:

New York City no wave is still alive and well : Guerilla Toss 

Stonewashed C86 : Beverly





A hypnotic boiling pot from New Mexico : Mirror Travel 





Backyard Report, from Richmond, VA : Clair Morgan make complex Pop.

Feminist Friday : A Weekly Round Up for July 1, 2016

Gonerfest, one of my favorite American music festivals ever has announced this year's line up. It includes Fred & Toodey (Dead Moon fans take note), Nots (new album coming this fall), Counter Intuits, Midnight Snaxxx, Spray Paint, Useless Eaters, Reigning Sound (original line up, and the usual influx of ridiculously great bands from Australia / NZ, and lots of other stuff too. Full list is here.

My favorite read of the week is all about how women in independent music shaped indie rock because of their lyrics.

Missed CBGBs and NYC in its prime ('70s)? There is a new photo book called History is Made at Night that will help you relive it through images. This scene hosted many legendary women like Blondie, Lydia Lunch, Blondie, and Patti Smith to name just a few.

Nightwave fights back after critical attacks of her DJ set that have more to with her gender than her actual talent.

Check out this great read on the history of The Bangles.

Is YouTube a friend or foe to music? It is one of the first places people go to stream music (not really) but musicians are always seeing any money from these plays.

We are working ourselves to death ladies. Here is what you need to know about putting in long hours each week.

Apple has developed a new technology that will prevent music fans from being able to film and photograph live music performances.

Backyard report: NPR has written about Miramar who are updating the traditional sounds of Puerto Rica. Our local Girls Rock! founders were also interviewed on WTVR.

I know many of you here are Julie Ruin fans. You can stream their new album here plus the band is touring and probably coming to a city near you.

What's wrong with Top 40? There is a lot if you include how terribly stagnant and rehashed most of the songwriting is BUT there is a less surprising and no less annoying reality, men rule the charts. You might be thinking how could this be when women like Taylor Swift and Beyonce are always in the press but while we are pounded with the gossip of the men they sleep with or what they are wearing, it is distracting people away from the fact that most of music's charting artists are still men.

Jenn Wasner is tired of being a novelty. Women can play guitars and we are often pretty damn great at it. Can we dropped being surprised by this already?

Negative Gemini has a song dedicated to catcaller - Don't Worry Bout the Fuck I'm Doing"

Chris Brown continues to be human garbage and his publicist smarty refuses to accept his name calling.

And to end on a lighter note.

The chain of events went like this. The kick ass compilation Typical Girls includes a cover of the very strange but contagious '50s hit "Dumb Head originally by Ginny Arnell. I broke out the original single from my record collection and have been playing it a bit this week. This led to YouTube search of the song which uncovered this gem. WARNING, this song is an earworm so expect to be singing it for the rest of the day. Sorry/not sorry.

Here is the band Primetime covering the song in their own special, primal way.

This Joe Meek version rules! 

And the original. 

2016 Favorite : case/lang/veirs

Historically the bands dubbed "supergroups" have almost exclusively been comprised of men. The WIKI list reads like an exclusive men's club and a quick Google search for female supergroup turns up Wild Flag and that Adele wants to form one at some point in the future. Surprisingly Trio comprised of Parton/ Harris/ Ronstadt doesn't pop up in my initial search at all.

It turns out that when incredibly talented women come together to make a record, their music is dubbed something closer to a collaborative project or isn't celebrated as a big deal by the industry at all.

I refuse to call case/lang/veirs anything but a supergroup. Individually: Neko Case, K.D. Lang, and Laura Veirs are music icons. Apart, they are masters of an individual music style that is unmistakingly their own. They are all dynamic storytellers whose delivery, timing, and melody choices set them apart from the pack. The most stunning thing that takes place when these three powerhouses come together is how the flawlessly their styles blend together. Rather than these three voices standing alone like bold primary colors stacked next to each other, they work together to create new and magnificent colors. These songs are a Pantone swatch book of their very own.

There is a shade and tone to please everyone here. Their vocal harmonies are world class. The musical orchestration is dense yet burns away at the right moments to audio equivalent of a movie camera panning out or moving in for a close up. The result is a distinctly American(a) tale that perfectly balances the intimacy of a person sharing a piece of themselves but they tell it in a way that can be universally appreciated and understood. This is the result of musicians knowing how to do what they do best while leaving plenty of room for others to move around and add their own layers. You can't make this kind of record without truly listening to each other. It turns out this supergroup are also super-communicators.

I have never done much time in church but whatever inspiration people describe after a strong Sunday sermon is the kind of experience this record delivers. Listen to "Down" and you will hear what I mean.

Watch their first live performance together in Portland here.

Feminist Friday : A Weekly Round Up for June 24th, 2016

Phew! Lost power last week for a bunch of days thanks to a terrible storm that rolled through Richmond, VA so I am happy to be back at it again.

The best thing about this week was learning about Portia Sabin's (Kill Rock Stars President) music industry podcast. This is my new everything.

In a quick backyard report, local lady and massive talent Lucy Dacus has just been picked up by Matador Records. Our whole community is so darn happy for her and I wrote about her several months ago noting ironically a similarity to a classic Matador artist, Bettie Serveert. Weird, right?

Alice Bag is headlining Philadelphia's Treat Y'Self Fest, a benefit for the annual March to End Rape Culture. Pretty darn excited to be a part of this as well; happening this August once again at the PhilaMOCA .

Flying Lotus needs to a dictionary because his use of rape is wrong all wrong.

Tavana wrote an insulting piece of trash  about sex appeal in music for the LA Weekly that has every feminist I know steaming. But it isn't all band, Hawking wrote a response piece that gets it right.

How do touring bands deal with tragic news? This story shares an example of how musicians cope.

Laura Mvula talks us through the many "ists" found in the music industry. Hint: Racist and sexist are in the mix.

Sexism in the music industry is happening in every corner of the world. This story highlights what is going on in France. Don't worry, it is written in English.

All it took was one brave woman to out Ian Conner as her rapist and 5 more women have since also stepped forward to say they were his victims too, rapper/songer Theophilus London has something to say about it.

Social media means musicians are more accessible than ever to their fans and equally, dangerous people who are on the cyber attack. The NYT weighed in on this.

ANd last but not least, what is the state of women in music today. This article helps present some of those issues.

Have something you think I should share ? Send me a note via tracy at littleblackcloud records . com

Feminist Friday : A Weekly Round Up for June 10th, 2016

A manel is yet another music panel where it is a wall of dudes that sit around and talk about stuff. Once again, the industry is lightyears behind the artists themselves. There are women in this industry so how about asking us to sit on more panels?

What happens when a band member defends a rapist? They get what they deserve, to be popped like the pimple on society that they are.

Athena is a powerful pendant necklace that doubles as an emergency alert system to help protect women against assault. By holding down the button on it will not only sound an alarm but send loved ones text messages alerting them to your location and alert 911. This way, you are truly never alone.

Glastonbury Festival has created a an intersectional, queer, trans, and disability-inclusive safe space that will be staffed by people who identify as female, including security and performers. This new area will also feature DJs, workshops on diversity / inclusion, daily dance classes, and DIY class on power tools.

Wax Idols dropped off the Pentagram tour because sexual harrasment isn't worth the exposure a tour of this size can bring. 

This has nothing to do with music but math is certainly an important skill to have and the Fields Medal mathematics prize was won by a woman this year for the first time in its history! 

Congratulations Baltimore, you have a new record store! If you are like me and love record shopping and coffee, this could be worth a road trip for you. 

From the world of DIY punk feminism (Riot Grrrl in the '90s) to an oscar winning film producer, Audrey Marrs deserves a standing ovation. 

CASH Music is a nonprofit organization here to help educate and empower artists and the their fans to foster a viable and sustainable future for music. WE NEED THIS. 

Cool, a Nashville mural celebrating musicians that happens to exclude women completely. Really? Has no woman ever played Exit / In?