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| Photo by Jake Cunningham |
It can be alarming when a stranger approaches you at the merch table and breaks down in tears. This was my Saturday evening. I quickly discovered these were tears of joy. This woman went on to describe why the Beach Slang / Potty Mouth / Dyke Drama / Positive No line up was something she had waited decades to see. This rock show was not the usual a boys club, it was all inclusive. Women shared the stage with men as equals. LGBTQ musicians were front and center. The age of the musicians spanned between three different decades. There was so much love and respect on display between all the bands that it overwhelmed her. When a sexist heckler was called out and removed like a splinter by members of multiple bands from the venue, it was obvious the entire line up were allies to one another. It was a safe place. It was at atmosphere of overwhelming respect. The evening was how in her mind shows should have always been but sadly have rarely ever been.
In short, this kind of line up is a very important step in the right direction of acceptance, tolerance, and equality.
For many of us who grew up going to shows in an oppressive environment where sexism, homophobia, and racism were the norm, this show is a shock to the system. As a fellow middle aged women, I understood EXACTLY how she felt. I cried for joy with her. I expressed this later to other members in the various bands and cried some more like a sentimental fool. I have been waiting my entire adult life for this moment.
A lot can happen in two decades. Twenty plus years ago I was playing in a heavy indie rock band and I was so FUCKING lonely.
It was straight white men as far as the eye could see. I met a handful of amazing women who came to see our shows but mostly it was a sea of dudes in the audience with no women sharing the stage with me. I felt like a freak of nature because I wanted to play loud music and be a part of this creative community without being a Riot Grrrl. In 1996 however you were either preaching to the choir in the bubble that was feminist music scene or you took your chances in a male dominated rock world that could be very cruel. If some men didn't walk out of the venue because a girl was in the band they would stick around to make fun of me and shout rude things. After shows I was treated like I had the plague. A lot of people were scared to make eye contact with a girl in a hardcore band no less befriend one or go out of their way to balance a show line up by booking a show with other women on a bill. I can't stress how humiliated this left me feeling. I honestly never cared if people liked the music I made, I just didn't want to feel like I was crashing a private sausage party all the time. I wanted to be given the space to be me, to create music, and given the equal opportunity to be heard. I am so thankful my fellow band members were willing to give me this safe place because the world outside them was often not nearly as generous to women.
As a music fan who during some decades was seeing 10 to 25 bands perform a week, I can promise you my show going experience was more of the same. White men ruled and minorities were nearly invisible. If I wanted diversity, I would have to seek out a splinter scene show where these groups had created their own majority rule. For every outsider who felt pushed out of the mainstream world of music, there was a tiny subculture bubble and rarely did these worlds overlap and share a bill.
Fast forward twenty years and nearly every show I play now includes bands with female members. In fact it is rare when that doesn't happen and if it is an all male bill, it feels wrong and dated. I still can't believe how different it is now. There is no longer a reason to feel lonely or like an outcast because women are more accepted than ever on a stage. I know it still isn't perfect out there. There are still assholes who say and do inappropriate things to women in bands but I promise you, it is 1,000 times better than it was.
I am currently watching the LGBTQ music community facing many of the same barriers women did years ago and in turn they coping in the same ways to manage / fight that discrimination. It is only natural that insular communities are popping up to create safe places for themselves. Much like the activists among the Riot Grrrl community, they are creating insular worlds for themselves to perform within. I get it, I really do but I personally never wanted to cut myself off from the rest of the world. I want to celebrate diversity and learn from as many different kinds of people as possible. I feel stagnant when I surrounded myself by people just like myself. I feel richer, wiser, and like a more well rounded human being when I take the time to get to know everyone around me. This is why I stubbornly never let the boys club of the rock world win and don't want any of the other outsiders to give up. It is important to push back and create a new normal. By sticking around, we forced people to accept that we exist in their world. We can't go away just because a few losers don't believe we belong here.
We belong just as much as anyone else does in this world.
I have however fallen into a new position of alienation. It is no longer my gender I feel set back by, it is my age. Music audiences want very little to do with someone over 40. There are so many outrageous and disappointing stereotypes that are associated with being older. I didn't work this hard to become invisible again. So here I am, an outcast all over again. I've got terrible news for the haters. I am still stubborn and I am atill not willing to go away. I will continue to make music because this is who I STILL am and whatever your preconceived notions of who is old and what that actually means should be reevaluated.
I am still here so get used to it.
Thank you Beach Slang, Potty Mouth, Dyke Drama, fellow members of Positive No, and those who came out to support the shows this past weekend. Those 48 hours gave me new hope.
